baby, talk is cheap

Had to add another post with the new Weezer single the greatest man who ever lived. I will be buying this album with glee. Actual glee. I've been waiting a long time for this. <3

I wish the rest of this post had anything to do with that awesome graphic but it does not.


Instead of scientifically proving how my milkshake is better than yours, I'll tell you about probably the most guilty secret I have. No, its not Nutella + Pizza Depot + Starbucks donuts. That is a very good guess though! but those aren't technically secrets. I have to give you some back-story first, if you don't want to read it you're welcome to just look at the chart again and skip a paragraph.

When I was 10 my mom took me to the dentist to have my loose tooth pulled. I've had a great history in my life with teeth that just want to hang on, and many string pulling at home and eating apples stories. In fact I don't think there was a single baby tooth that DIDN'T want to hang on, so anyhow, my mom thought it best to go to the dentist for one of the larger back ones. This also began my illustrious persona of "acting super brave really makes everybody happy" and it really did. Never failed to make a great impression. I swear this particular time the dentist used a small chubby screw driver to actually pop my tooth out, and it hurt, and I was mad. My mom said she would buy me a present for being so brave this time, since it's probably the only time I complained (a lot) and if I knew any swear words I would have used them (a lot). She took me to a jewelry store and told me I could pick out whatever I wanted. You have to appreciate the rarity of this occasion since we were not the family who had extra cash to buy jewelry for no reason.. so I picked out this cute gold ring with a green stone in it. My mom said I could have it today, or I could wait a few weeks and have my birthstone in it. I picked today! Later on my mom wore it, bleached the floor all the time with it on and it broke.. never to be fixed and worn by me.

My mom lost or broke my jewelry on a spectacularly consistent basis. Earrings, necklaces, rings.. so my grandma took all my stuff to keep with her which was fine with me since I don't wear jewelry unless I am able to never take it off. Two of the MOST important pieces of jewelry I had kept away (for me to look at and not wear) are my solid gold charm bracelet my grandma put together for me over many birthdays, and a 24k large gold locket my great grandmothers bought for me with their pictures in it "so I'd remember them" and had inscribed and everything. I mentioned I'm half Italian at some point right? Ok I hope that was obvious. Anyways, so basically all the jewelry on earth really didn't matter past those two things and I was allowed to wear them for special occasions.

When I was 16 I went to Italy with my grandparents (yes I just realized it was 10 years the other night and that blew my mind) and was the last time I got to wear the braclet and locket. I actually didn't like them because they were *gasp* yellow gold! so I kept them in my room there. One day we went to visit my grandfathers aunt in one of those old people's homes .. which is a lot different than the ones here.. and she was just the most fantastic lady. I just loved her; of course it helped that she was just nuts about me and said awesome stuff like I'm as gorgeous as the sun and touched my face all the time. lol. She spent her entire life as a nun, as did her older sister who was also in the home but didn't speak anymore, and when she left there after 50 years they gave her a gold watch with her name inscribed on it. She gave it to my grandparents to give to my mother since they share the very same first and last name. Not that it has anything more to do with the story other than this woman isn't alive any longer and I just adored her, I'll add that she felt so badly about not giving me anything like she did for my mom that she gave my grandparents $200 to get me whatever I wanted on the trip and also took me to her room and told me I had to pick out something to take with me. She didn't have a lot of items in there obviously, being a nun and now being in a home, and a few years ago the figurine she let me have fell off a shelf and broke, which broke my heart, and I keep the head in my jewelry box.

SO!

I begged my grandparents not to give my mother the watch and they did anyways and yes she broke it by wearing it to do the dishes. She took it apart to "dry" and lost all the pieces somehow. That made me feel fantastic. These are just things of course and materials do not mean anything but even I was taught better than to lose something someone gave you and my mother is a gypsy as far as I'm concerned. So here is my guilty secret, at last, which would've had no meaning if confessed to you without telling you the entire story: I lost my locket.

For 2 years I have been sick over it, and there is no way in hell I can ever replace it or not let my grandmother go to her grave thinking I have it. In fact I lost the charm bracelet too, until this Christmas when I opened the packed box of ornaments and found it in there! What happened I don't know but at least one of those items back and that makes me feel a little better. I mean, when someone spends time and thousands of dollars collecting charms for you from your childhood, you try not to leave it behind when you pack!

Maybe I should put out an ad for lost and found: 1 gold locket plus chain missing, pictures of two sweet old ladies in it who are no longer living, inscribed "All Our Love, Anna Maria" .. if found please return to THIS FUCKNG IDIOT [insert picture of me]. I am even WORSE than my mother?? How did that happen!!?

Labels: dentist, Jewlery

This week the search winner is someone who googled one of my "26 things I've learned in 26 years" questions. Is dating someone 20 years older ever ok?


Honestly I am so glad I can help you realize you never want to date someone who's been eligible to vote for 3 years, driving for 5 years and drinking for at least 1 year..... when you were newly alive. If you want to put that even more into perspecive, as an infant you sat there pooping yourself and making noises and couldn't make out shapes or see anything past a few inches in front of your face. That same day the person you're screwing right now could have been passed out on his girlfriend's couch from drinking all night then drove home in the morning.

So you see why the answer is NO, no it is never ok. That horrible screaming and yelling your dear mother did to get you here? Yeah that's the same scream she will give you when you tell her you're dating someone 20 years older than yourself and who could blame her, that's just disgusting!!


In closing, don't forget it's Mama Day! It takes a special person not to kill anything that pooped all over them regularly. Think about it!

So my buddy Andrea is leaving at the end of the month for Calgary, like I mentioned sometime before. That really, well, makes me happy for her... but I am going to miss her a bunch. We've been friends since grade 6 or 7 and have lots of experience staying in touch and not needing to hang out a whole lot to be friends.. so I'm not overly concerned. I just don't want her to miss home or anything but I should be flying out there pretty soon to see her new digs.

When she called to ask me if she was doing the right thing, and wasn't sure she could leave everyone I said: Dude (and I'm paraphrasing) I know so many people who get pushed out of their parents place.. pushed into a job and it becomes a pattern for their whole life. Deciding to start your life in a new province in as little as 2 weeks, and accomplishing that? It's a great marker for what else you can do. It's something I think about whenever I am not feeling very productive, need to get my "shit together" and it always helps me, so I hope it will help her.

That and some Ikea gift cards!

Today has been an exceptionally difficult day, which is possibly why I have been thinking about her leaving. I suppose though, at the end of it, if I didn't question my limitations at least a little bit then I would be made of nothing in the first place. Cheers to the roadblocks, then! Else I'd have no time to stop and enjoy a gin & seven at the end of a hard day. Literally, I've had 3! If we're working on a scale of 1-5 then I will definitely have to alert you when a 4 or 5 gin and seven day comes up.

Your days are short here; this is the last of your springs. And now in the serenity and quiet of this lovely place, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of Heaven. You will go away with old, good friends. And don't forget when you leave why you came.”

Adlai E. Stevenson

Search of the Week Winner: Google: as good as it gets sell crazy somewhere else





So after the car accident I kind of realized there are worse things in life than living in Hamilton. It's true! I've lived elsewhere for almost 4 years and have tried to ignore the real fact that you can relocate yourself quite fine, but relocating everyone you know is a real challenge. I used to make the weekend trips, as if I didn't actually live somewhere else, and after buying this house in Oakville I finally said OK I will be an Oakville girl, not a Hamilton girl living in Oakville. And it's fucking nice out here, but it's really nice for retiring maybe instead. We could weekend it here instead, all the cool shopping I love, the strawberry picking and crazy starbucks everywhere. Let's be honest here, I was born in Hamilton: where people look at you strange if you make eye contact, where saying "good morning" as if you know someone would get you beat up for being "sarcastic", where most of the neighbours dropping by were ones your mother told you never to talk to, or literally dropping from the balcony upstairs because they drank too much at a party. I'm as friendly as they come, but even I was looking for the candid cameras... is nobody in the town having a bad day? ever?

Still, I could live in Oakville my whole life and not mind. It'd be honestly entertaining anywhere I'd potentially live, but my family is Hamilton and will basically never leave. Sean brought up this moving to Hamilton idea this week, ironically....but I think it's just really obvious my grandfather is going to die in a few years. While that is hard for me, I suppose I should prepare for it and maybe buy a nice big house rather than this extremely expensive small one, full of pretty stainless steel and granite, that is miles and miles away. I've started looking and this Sunday we go see a huge victorian house right by my parents (but on a nice street.. not a crack street. yes it's almost like black and white checker streets in Hamilton.. crack, nice, crack, nice, crack, nice. truth be told 50% of Hamilton is fantastic, but you'd never know it). If we like it, great, maybe we will move. I'd love to have some huge problem with where I am now, so I have this gigantic reason, the only one being it's not where my family is at and overall... I guess that makes me less happy. Or more like, I don't have a great reason to stay in Oakville other than it's a nice place to live. I'm sure Sean knows that, and I am lucky he'd persuade me to move us somewhere he never particularly liked. I would have honestly never brought up the idea in a million years, but it seems like he's set on this being a good thing to do. I agree... I can still do the daycare and maybe take some nice trips to Gage Park and the Children's Museum.

If I'm giving off some hesitation it's merely my own stupid idea that living out here was my choice, and I guess want to feel like it's clear I do not have to, but am choosing to move back because I will stay there aaaaaaaaaaaand not have my crazy family over every damn day! Hey what, I've gotten used to my privacy lol. You know, being close to your family is great but we are still talking about MY family!



Wait a minute... I forgot the police here are totally bored assholes! OK nevermind, get me the fuck out of Oakville.

Labels: moving

Number 1 on the 50 greatest sketches of all time is "Dead Parrot" by Monty Python. My dad is a huge Monty Python fan yet somehow I had not seen this before. 39 years later I'm not sure if I will still be laughing at Dick in a Box, however this is clearly still hilarious. John Cleese is probably the only British comedian I actually find funny.. can't wait for the Pink Panther 2 next year. Maybe I'll take my dad.

I recommend Facebook wall Graffiti tag as a fun way to get over any sort of traumatic event. If done correctly, you can be laughing about it now instead of thinking "I know this will be funny some day..." and then waiting for that day to get there! Of course I had to share this.



Andrea Drew:




I Drew Back:


LOL. You have no idea what that's about but trust me, based on their creative awesomeness I had no choice but to post these gems. I mean, I could have made those "Chola" eyebrows better but whatever.. still funny! I got into the mood to listen to music again which led me to finding a band called Spoon. "I Turn my Camera On" is a pretty good tune. I guess there's nothing else to say at the moment...